The English Language - Say What???

Yes, it is time to take a break from reporting my entertainment comings and goings in The Greatest City in The World and give you, my loyal and faithful readers, the benefit of some of my online research. I can’t claim credit for the following but I can claim credit for finding it, so ...

“You think English is easy - Say What???

1) The bandage was wound around the wound.

2) The farm was used to produce produce .

3) The dump was so full that it had to refuse more refuse.

4) We must polish the Polish furniture.

5) He could lead if he would get the lead out.

6) The soldier decided to desert his dessert in the desert.

7) Since there is no time like the present, he thought it was time to present the present .

8) A bass was painted on the head of the bass drum.

9) When shot at, the dove dove into the bushes.

10) I did not object to the object.

11) The insurance was invalid for the invalid.

12) There was a row among the oarsmen about how to row.

13) They were too close to the door to close it.

14) The buck does funny things when the does are present.

15) To help with planting, the farmer taught his sow to sow.

16) Upon seeing the tear in the painting I shed a tear.

17) I had to subject the subject to a series of tests.

18) How can I intimate this to my most intimate friend?

Let's face it - English is a crazy language. There is no egg in eggplant, nor ham in hamburger; neither apple nor pine in pineapple. English muffins weren't invented in England or French fries in France. Sweetmeats are candies while sweetbreads, which aren't sweet, are meat. We find that quicksand can work slowly, boxing rings are square and a guinea pig is neither from Guinea nor is it a pig.

And why is it that writers write but fingers don't fing, grocers don't groce and hammers don't ham? If the plural of tooth is teeth, why isn't the plural of booth, beeth? One goose, 2 geese. So one moose, 2 meese?

If teachers taught, why didn't preachers praught? If a vegetarian eats vegetables, what does a humanitarian eat? Ship by truck and send cargo by ship? Have noses that run and feet that smell?

How can a slim chance and a fat chance be the same, while a wise man and a wise guy are opposites? You have to marvel at the unique lunacy of a language in which your house can burn up as it burns down, in which you fill in a form by filling it out and in which, an alarm goes off by going on.

English was invented by people, not computers, and it reflects the creativity of the human race, which, of course, is not a race at all. That is why, when the stars are out, they are visible, but when the lights are out, they are invisible.

Finally - why doesn't 'Buick' rhyme with 'quick’?”

So, my loyal and faithful readers, enjoy and ponder while Billi Pod works on another posting regarding the English Language.

Go Yankees and Go Gators!!!

Billi Pod

“Don't pick a fight with an old man. If he is too old to fight, he'll just kill you.”

PS: In response to the emails - Yes, I was at Yankee Stadium last Friday night when Jeter broke Gehrig’s team hit record.