I also rely heavily on: The Jon Stewart Show, The Colbert Report, Bill O’Reilly (God, I love that man), The Onion, and the World Wide Web aka the Internet.
When I find things, regardless of their sometimes controversial nature, I feel it my sworn responsibility to report/post them as part of my obligation to you for fair and impartial reporting. I must remain true to my mantra ... I report - you decide.
My recent research has discovered several very disturbing items regarding the upcoming election, involving each candidate, and I feel obligated to report each of them, so ...I will start with a mailing from Cindy McCain, the wife of Senator John McCain. This is it in its entirety:
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“My dear American Voter:
Normally, I don’t get out front and center like this, preferring instead to support my husband from the sidelines and let the pundits do the talking. But as Election Day draws ever nearer, I’d like to take this time to urge you to put “Country First” and cast your vote for my husband, John McCain! Because a vote for John McCain is not just a vote for experience, fortitude and American values, it’s also a vote for me, Cindy McCain, not tearing your ribcage open and spilling your steaming viscera into the street.
Let’s take back Washington and make America great again! Barack Obama has never fought for this great country like John McCain has. That’s a fact. So when you're in the election booth, ask yourself, do you want a president who believes in the strength of the American worker, or do you want me to rip off your limbs and use them to beat your skull to a bloody pile of skin and bone fragments? I think the choice is clear.
If you really think that a junior senator with no executive experience is the best person to lead us out of this economic crisis, then by all means vote for Obama. Just hope to God I never find out about it and, say, drive to your house in the dead of night, crawl through your bedroom window, and, in a calculated moment of seething rage, strangle you with my bare goddamn hands.
Do you really think Michelle Obama has the grace and assertiveness needed to be a good first lady? Do you think she has the poise and composure it takes? Consider this: Mrs. Obama might be younger and prettier than I am, but will she pull out your spine and howl like a hyena while drenched in the blood of your children? Because that’s just the sort of sick shit I’m prepared to do if you don’t vote for my husband. You hear that you Obama-supporting swing-state fucks? I'll fucking destroy you.
Oh, sure, I’m all smiles now. Got to give the cameras a happy face when they pull in for a close-up of me. Look at me. Look into my beady little eyes. See the way my delicate, birdlike head sits daintily on top of my poised, slender neck? Now imagine that head lunging in for the gruesome kill like the beak of a crazed, razor-taloned raptor intent on ripping open your jugular vein. Got the picture?
Do you have any idea how long I’ve been waiting for this? How many millions of dollars of my own money I’ve put up to help finance my husband’s campaigns, only to see his character assassinated by members of his own party for decades? To see a shitbird like Karl Rove spread a rumor that John McCain had an illegitimate black baby and steal the South Carolina primary for Bush in 2000? To have the same party that condemned him as a “maverick” turn to him in desperation and champion the very qualities they once abhorred?
After all that, do you seriously think I’m going to stand idly by when the Democrats trot out a charismatic outsider-type of their own and blatantly steal my husband’s outsider act just at the moment of victory?
I WILL BATHE IN YOUR BLOOD, OBAMA-SUPPORTING SCUM!
Now, please please get out there and vote McCain/Palin on November 4th.
Fondly,
Cindy McCain”
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source: The Onion - Vol. 44, Issue 44
Wow!! Remember, I report - you decide.
Billi Pod
wanjr@aol.com
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