The TRUE Story Behind Sarah Palin’s Resignation

OK, my loyal and faithful readers, I am now able to share with you the “real” reason(s) behind Sarah Palin’s decision to resign as Governor of Alaska, even though she had almost 1/2 of her term in office remaining.

I am going to break this gently to you since it is so utterly bizarre that even I, hardly a Palin fan, found it difficult to accept. I have taken great efforts to verify the information from my various sources buried deep in the bowels of The Republican National Committee and even deeper into The Fox News network.

OK, the following is from a document which analyzes Sarah’s personality characteristics and determines whether they are masculine or feminine:

1. Her fascination with hunting - masculine.
2. Her fascination with fishing - masculine
3. Her record for killing and then gutting a moose - definitely masculine.
4. Her obsession with hockey - masculine
5. Her propensity to swear - masculine
6. Her repeated use of slang - masculine
7. Her use of the phrase “you betcha” - definitely masculine.
8. Her use of the phrase “aw shucks” - masculine
9. Her position as a point guard in High School - masculine
10. Her High School nickname of “Barracuda” - definitely masculine - have you ever seen or heard reference to a female Barracuda?
11. Her desire to turn household chores over to her spouse - masculine.
12. Her ill-disguised hatred for her daughter’s boyfriend - masculine.
13. Her inability to remain focused on any subject for an extended period of time - masculine.
14. Her need to always be in the “limelight” - masculine.
15, Her decision to be the breadwinner in the family - masculine.
16. Her inability to find humor in anything directed at her, regardless of the source - masculine.
17. Her inability to accept constructive criticism - masculine.
18. Her decision to put the responsibility for raising her children in the hands of her spouse - masculine
19. Her tendency to go “wink-wink” - gay
20. Her lack of interest in books - masculine
21. Her lack of long-term memory - masculine
22. Her aversion for details - masculine

And the list goes on and on and supports the real reason for her resignation - TA DA -

SARAH PALIN WILL SOON UNDERGO A SEX-CHANGE OPERATION AND WILL THEREAFTER BE KNOWN AS “BUTCH” PALIN.

But, wait - I have further information to share with you. She will undergo the procedure in about 2 weeks and when it is completed she and Todd will divorce. The terms of the divorce settlement have already been agreed to and Todd will receive full custody of all of the children and will receive a healthy amount of child support from Butch.

And it goes further - once the divorce is final Todd will marry Tina Fey and they and all of the kids will move to Hollywood.

There are two conflicting reasons given for her decision to become a him, and, frankly, I have no idea which one is more credible than the other. I will just report both of them and you can decide.

Reason #1 - The sex change procedure is necessary in order to reach out to the core conservative groups who secretly could never bring themselves to commit to supporting a WOMAN for President in 2012.

Reason #2 - The sex change operation is a result of Sarah’s infatuation with actor Neil Patrick Harris (who is gay - "I am a very content gay man.”) who would not agree to a continuing relationship unless she became a he. They have pledged to each other that their “relationship” will remain a deep dark secret until after the 2012 elections.

Reason #2 is very troublesome because Republicans are known for their family values and their leaders would never ever think of maintaining a clandestine sexual relationship with anyone, would they? But, I guess, who am I to Judge?

So there you have it, my loyal and faithful readers. I hope you understand why it took me so long to get enough corroboration to feel comfortable in making this post. OK, OK. I know this is a lot to digest so please don’t shoot off any emails and stuff until at least 24 hours have passed.

I am advised that Fox News will probably break the story on Sunday.

Remember, I only report - you decide ... you betcha.

Billi Pod
“Don't pick a fight with an old man. If he is too old to fight, he'll just kill you.”

PS: I received my IKEA furniture (in multiple boxes, of course) at 6:10. Tomorrow afternoon I will begin the process of putting things together. Pray for me please.