Golly, I don’t want to get caught up in this whole male vs. female controversy, but, I think that you, my unbiased readers, deserve to have the benefit of my internet research into some of the reasons why males are happier in this World of ours than our female counterparts. One of the benefits of being retired is having the time to do extensive research into issues such as this. Thus far I have identified over 7,218 factors/reasons that contribute to male happiness. The following listing is by no means comprehensive, although I vouch for the authenticity of each factor/reason. Please remember - I am just reporting; it is up to you to decide.
So, some of the reasons males are happier than females --
Our last name stays put.
The garage is all ours.
Wedding plans take care of themselves.
Chocolate is just another snack.
We can be President.
We can never be pregnant.
We can wear a white T-shirt to a water park. We can wear NO shirt to a water park.
Car mechanics tell us the truth.
The world is our urinal.
We never have to drive to another gas station restroom because “this one is just too icky.”
We don't have to stop and think which way to turn a nut on a bolt.
Same work, more pay.
Wrinkles add character.
Wedding dress $5000. Tux rental - $100.
People never stare at our chest when we’re talking to them.
The occasional well-rendered belch/fart is practically expected.
New shoes don't cut, blister, or mangle our feet.
One mood 98.5% of the time.
Phone conversations are over in 60 seconds flat.
We know stuff.
A five-day vacation requires only one suitcase.
We can open all our own jars.
We get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness.
If someone forgets to invite us, he or she can still be our friend.
Our underwear is $8.95 for a three-pack.
Three pairs of shoes are way more than enough.
We are unable to see wrinkles in our clothes.
The same hairstyle lasts for years, maybe decades.
We only have to shave our face and neck.
We can play with toys for all our life.
One wallet and one pair of shoes -- one color for all seasons.
We can wear shorts no matter how our legs look.
We can "do" our nails with a pocket knife.
And, we can do Christmas shopping for 25 relatives on December 24 in 25 minutes.
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I have no doubt that many of you will want to add additional reasons/factors and you may do so by going to the website: www.werulelivewithitbitches.com.
Had a very nice breakfast/brunch this morning with student/bartender/manager Scott Reed at The Clinton Street Baking Company a very trendy eatery in the Lower Eastside.
Gotta post this and then get ready to head out to The House That Ruth Built for the Yankees/Orioles game.
Go Yankees!!
Billi Pod
wanjr@aol.com
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