Breaking News==>University of Florida Ranked 10th Douchiest College in America

You know my loyal and faithful readers, being a fair and unbiased reporter is sometimes an extremely difficult burden, especially when it requires bringing attention to matters which reflect adversely on things or institutions that Billi Pod really cares about.

What am I talking about you are no doubt breathlessly asking out there in the hinterlands?

Well ... here it is ... my internet research has just revealed that the well-regarded magazine GQ has just published a list of The 10 Douchiest Colleges in America, based on a groundbreaking new book called “The Rogers & Littleton Guide to America’s Douchiest Colleges,” and ... gasp ... and double gasp ... Billi Pod’s alma mater, The University of Florida ranks number 10.

Yes ... I know ... I know ... take a deep breath all of you Gators out there ... the rankings are ...

1. Cornell

2. Penn State

3. Yale

4. Stanford

5. Pepperdine

6. Brigham Young

7. Bennington College

8. University of Delaware

9. MIT

10. University of Florida

The website:

http://www.gq.com/entertainment/humor/201108/douchiest-colleges-america-2011

contains their analysis of the respective schools and I feel it is my duty as a fair and unbiased reporter to post here what they said about The University of Florida ... this is it in its entirety, unedited:

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"10. University of Florida

Douchiest College, Sunburned Tits Conference

Home of: The "Tim Tebow" douche.

Douchey Affectations: Baggy cutoff camo shorts; pristine all-white Nike Air Force 1's with ankle socks poking out just so; Tim Tebow jersey only partly concealing the rip tattoo for your homey on the upper biceps; sun-kissed hair, waxed chest; pierced tongue, or at least eyebrow.

Claim to Fame: It has a journalism school that's not awful.

Overheard in Line at the Gator Corner: "Think I'm gonna skip class and post up by the pool and bronze out, dude. You in?"

Typical Gator Growl Itinerary: Smoke a bunch of schwaggy weed and crank the hip-hop and Godsmack on your way to the Swamp. Get so drunk on grain punch that you pass out on the grass, somewhere between Dane Cook's act and the Steve Miller Band. Have to be carried back to some stranger's dorm room, where you wake up to cheers from the goateed strangers who brought you home and cracked eggs in your hair and drew cocks and balls on your forehead with dry-erase markers. Watch the fourth quarter.

In Ten Years Will Be: Professional football player; professional basketball player; some rich farmer's chosen politician, propping up land values on dying orange groves with center-right state legislation. Or managing a string of Chipotles.

Douchey Alums: Joe Scarborough, Steve Spurrier, Camilo Villegas, Erin Andrews, Gatorade."

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Of course Billi Pod is stunned at this revelation and evaluation and he hopes you will take the time to visit the website and read what is said about the other 9 universities.

Now, please please please do not flame me. I didn’t make this up. Billi Pod is merely reporting. His investigation is continuing, however, since he has been "advised" that the managing editor of GQ is alleged to be a graduate of Florida State University.

Billi Pod is now going to bed to suck his thumb and reflect on whether he can continue with his responsibilities as a fair and unbiased reporter, but until then ...

I report - you decide.

GO YANKEES AND GO GATORS!!

Billi Pod

“Don’t pick a fight with an old man. If he is too old to fight, he’ll just kill you.”